I find it rather poetic that my last post, dated April 24th, 2013, was about ownership. I need to go back and re-read it but I have a feeling I, unwittingly, was writing to myself. The first half of 2013 was a great running year for me, completing two half marathons and a 25k all within about 60 days of each other. I was feeling great. I had even registered for a fall marathon; it was to be my first ever full marathon. Then I took a hard fall in mid-way through July and the wheels came flying off the wagon. I knew I was hurt but it wasn't one of those injuries that is so obvious you immediately know it is time for an extended break. The fall came at mile 7 of a 15 miler and I landed hard on my right hip almost falling into traffic. I seldom run that close to traffic, it was just the route of the day. It scared me and I walked about 5 miles of the return trip to my vehicle. After a couple week break I ran again and all seemed well except for an odd, nagging pain in my right buttocks. It wouldn't prevent me from running but the discomfort became a weird tingling and eventual numbness that spread down my leg into the top of my right foot. Again, I could run through it and managed just fine. I consulted fellow runners and read several sources of information and everything pointed to piriformis syndrome. I was owning it alright. NOTHING was going to stop me from running.
Yeah, wrong I was. I decided going back to school to finish my bachelor's degree, online. I didn't properly account for the additional time demands it would bring to the equation. While I immediately realized the marathon was no longer a reasonable goal I still had enough time to train for a 10k and possibly a half marathon. As a matter of fact I was fairing rather well despite the pain and numbness that infiltrated my entire right leg, waist to foot. Summer became fall, fall into winter. I was getting up at 0400 to run before work, working a full day, then coming home to do homework, be a husband, and be a father. The problem was, I had forgotten to be human. "I'm only taking 7 credits," was the reoccurring thought that accompanied "I'm only running 6 miles at a stretch." Something was bound to give, right?
Give it did. I managed through the winter OK... even making sure I got an outside run in January 1st. It was nothing heroic but I rang in the year with a run just the same. The winter of 2013-14 was unusually cold and a protracted cold at that. For the record, as I began typing this on the morning of May 16, 2014, it was lightly snowing outside. (that alone makes a guy want to step outside and scream at the clouds) I was running 4-5 times a week, most of those days started at the stated 0400. I'd reached my distance limit without getting up even earlier but by this time I had come to realize fatigue was winning that battle. In late February I began having heart palpitations, often random, throughout the day. They'd come and go for no particular reason. Given my background I had enough medical training to do a quick check - no associated weakness, chest pain, nausea, sweating, nor faintness. It was rather uncomfortable and caused me to catch my breath on occasion but I wasn't breathless, if that makes any sense. Yes, I will admit, there was a sprinkle of denial there also. I never noticed it while running and it usually started while at rest - which, most of my job is sitting at a desk where I can pay particular attention to the discomforting sensation. I gave up coffee, diet soda, and energy drinks - all within the repertoire of keeping me upright through any given day. Eventually it was occurring so frequently I decided to see a doctor. A running friend had told me I wasn't getting enough sleep and that was the likely cause. Lack of sleep? C'mon.
Doctor visits don't bother me. Sure, I might be mildly uncomfortable as I anticipate the mini-lecture about loosing weight, that I am long overdue for a physical, and the general mild chastisement any doctor gives his patients. However, I can normally visit the doctor with relative ease. Not on this occasion. I could not relax. Despite giving up the caffeine I was still experiencing the symptoms and I didn't want to hear the possibilities. The nurse took my pulse and blood pressure, both of which were markedly elevated. Also up was my weight, by about 15 pounds since my last visit to the office some months before. This clearly was not shaping up to be a happy, "keep up the great work," visit. "Ok, take off your shirt..." was the last instruction she gave me before exiting the room for a moment. God in heaven WHY? I don't like looking in the mirror let alone getting my hulk undressed at the demands of a woman with whom my only relationship was checking my vital signs and a polite smile. Go ahead and think "she's only a nurse." You're right and I know. An overdeveloped self consciousness has always been an issue for me. None the less, I followed her demands and disrobed from the waist up. She returned to the room and performed an EKG with hardly a word except to instruct me to go ahead and get dressed again. I'd be a liar if I didn't admit the snarky thought, "Is it really that bad" entered my mind.
After about 20 minutes the doctor came into the room and did the usual once over. He sat down as we chatted and reviewed the results of the EKG. I told him I'd given up coffee, diet soda, and energy drinks and he was sincere despite sounding incredulous when he congratulated me in taking that big step. He then sat back with a sigh and I prepared myself for the news. What he was about to say could change the way I approached many things, including running, forever. Something so simple as being hooked up to a machine that reads the electrical impulses could provide a window into my heart, truly. Imagine my relief when he said it was completely normal. I even gave a nervous chuckle of relief at his disclosure that my heart was not at about to explode right out of my chest. I wasn't exactly happy about what he said next, though. "Get more rest and keep running." Well, isn't that the million dollar equation. Happy that death was not imminent but discouraged that yet another reliable source told me that I needed more sleep I left the doctor's office in search of a new plan. Ultimately that plan was give up getting up at 0400 to run and getting more sleep.
I'd sure like to be able to share some success story, on how I was able to manipulate my schedule, adjust y running, and it all worked out. It didn't. I was discouraged. I was busting my arse at work, home, and getting my online classes done. I let discouragement steal an opportunity to overcome a challenge. I was spent and just gave in and quit running after brief and sparse effort to simply get up later. I suppose my mindset was "if I can't run the mileage I want then I'm not running at all." Super healthy, I know. My last logged run as March 15th, 5 miles on the treadmill. What it did allow was more sleep. Instead of getting up at 0400 I was getting up at 0530 to get ready for work. Over the course of about three weeks the occasional heart palpitations nearly completely disappeared. My caffeine intake is still 90% less than what it used to be despite allowing myself to drink a cup of 50/50 caf/decaf coffee periodically. I was still pretty exhausted most days as I tended to my other responsibilities. Running was just going to have to wait.
Fast forward 8 weeks later. In those two months I've not given up on the thought of running but my attitude was not good. I ate and drank whatever I wanted and in whatever quantity I wanted. Sort of a masochistic approach of feeding one desire while punishing one's self for neglecting another. I ate well, drank good beer, and did so often. I won't pretend to be some psychological expert but I know enough that it is all to easy to trade off one hobby for another and eating good food and drinking good beer is a hobby that is not difficult to learn. As a result, my weight is back to where it was in 2006, when I first started running. It was already up before taking the break despite my running but I'd hazard a guess I'm up 10-15 lbs over the last 8 weeks. Surprisingly enough my pulse and blood pressure have returned to normal and acceptable levels now that school is over. I'd expect them to stay elevated for sake of failing to run. At the same time it is also a testament to the lasting benefits of running even when it isn't possible. Whatever the case may be it was going to turn into something very ugly unless I owned and fixed the problem.
So, in the spirit of ownership, I will own that I need to be done with excuses of why I cannot run. School is over and I am rested. I weighed in at 244.8 lbs which is not my heaviest but is within ounces of the my 2006 decision to run weight. I am a firm believer that if you own it you are already ahead of the game in this world. It is my problem and only I can fix it. My intent here is to log my progress and struggles. This will require a new level of commitment that I had not taken on before. I've kicked around the idea often but have never truly committed to detailing my path. What better time than when I'm starting back over almost completely. The advantages I have before is a better understanding of who I am, my physiology, and some remnant fitness. The disadvantages are I am not in my mid-40's instead of my mid-30's. 10 years makes a huge difference. Still, I'm on board. I kicked it off today by jumping on my treadmill (remember, it snowed today) and followed the Couch to 5K (C25k) week one-day one plan. According to the treadmill I covered just over 2 miles in about 32 minutes. Disgustingly slow compared to what I was once capable of but far better than wallowing in self pity and shoving cheese burgers and fried into my face.
I look forward to sharing this with you and hope you see, except for a minority, running for the layperson is no different a struggle than everyday life. It has it ups and downs. It comes with frustrations, enlightenment, challenges, and elation. I've been down this path similarly before and am ready to take it on again, with ownership. If you have stumbled across this blog and wish to share you own story or feedback I'd love to hear it. Email me at vancewillrun @gmail.com
'Til the next mile...
Vance
